To quit this lifestyle before its too late. Here I go all over again…
Is my last night sleeping as a senior. 4 years of high school end tomorrow. It’s crazy to think, this is it. When I leave that stadium tomorrow that may be the last I see of some of those faces. Some of those faces whose names I’ll never know. I’m ashamed to say I didn’t get to know everyone in my senior class. They really are all such a great bunch. But this it. By this time tomorrow, I’ll be a high school graduate and a freshman for the University of California Davis. A good friend of mine who already graduated told me to take these next 24 hours and hold onto them forever, let everything all out. This really is the end of high school for me. I cannot believe its over. The feeling has finally hit me. As excited as I’ve been to leave, I want to savor every second. Most of all I’m sitting here thinking about everything that’s happened up to this point. All the choices I’ve made, all the coincidences that occurred, everything that’s lead me to where I am. I’m not sure if I’m entirely sad or ecstatic. This same friend told me to get all my feelings out there to everyone who mattered. After he said that, you came to mind. I want to talk to you, tell you how I feel, all that good stuff. The biggest thing I need to say is sorry and how I regret what happened. What could’ve been and everything. I try to block the thought out of my mind, but it’s hard especially when I see you everyday. Lol. That’s what she said. Tomorrow’s the big day. I’m ready for it. Goodnight and take care Jeremy Cabaccang, congratulations. You made it.
Im finally home from what was the worst day in awhile. Fuck this fortune. Fuck China palace. This ruined the family’s whole day. It was supposed to be a mother’s day and a 89th birthday dinner for my grandpa, then he gets this fortune. “All things have an end.” My grandpa broke into tears upon reading this and we all didn’t understand until we read the actual thing. The whole rest of the night my grandpa clenched the fortune in his hand. When we tried to sing him happy birthday, he got angry and insisted it was a “bad” and “lonely” birthday. That it was the worst birthday ever. I was helpless to do anything to help him. So helpless to relieve the pain bottled up inside him. Then when we were giving him his cards and gifts, he crossed out every “happy” on his birthday cards. Grandpa, I know you want to go now, but I’m nowhere near ready for it. After every 15 minutes this weekend, I’ve heard and seen enough death. I can’t imagine losing you. I didn’t value grandma enough when I had the chance, and now I’m holding onto you with every bit that I can. Grandma, I dont know what to do. Grandpa loves and longs for you so much, and I feel selfish for saying I need him here with me. I’m torn and don’t know what to feel, the only thing I do know is either way things go I’m going to lose in the long run. Grandpa’s condition is slipping again. Now with college, graduation, and everything I’ve been neglecting him. I can’t do it all though. It feels like sometimes I’m one of the only one people who care. I know I’m not, but I just wish everyone would help out too. Grandma, I need your guidance. I don’t know what to do. I love you both do much. I pray god’s plan will work out in the long run, for now I’ll wait and do what I can to help. Happy Mother’s day grandma, I love and miss you. Also, happy birthday Grandpa, I’m sorry your birthday was so horrible. :/ just know I love you…
[video]
Teaching Nancy how to drive. 😍❤
Sunny days in Stockton. (Taken with instagram)
They’re out here stopping Joseph Kony.